Being completely open and honest with your partner about what you both want and expect can only be the best way forward, whatever any ‘expert’ might tell you
Today, sex is everywhere. If afternoon talk shows are any indication, modern women are determined to be multi-orgasmic. Viagra sales are up, membership in swingers' clubs is increasing and sex-toy stores, targeting mainstream consumers, are popping up across the country. This is not new, except in the sense that it is more out in the open these days. Does anyone really imagine that these same things didn’t go on in the 1950’s, behind closed doors?
We are bombarded with messages that most of us are having -- or trying to have -- fabulous sex. But since many of us know this isn't the case, could it be that the sexual revolution wasn't much of a revolution at all? In a article for New York magazine, Naomi Wolf wrote that the mainstreaming of porn has not, as some might think, made men into raving beasts. Rather, it has deadened the male libido in relation to real women, leading men to see fewer and fewer women as "porn-worthy."
Today, people desperately need access to good advice about sex and sexual health, with national increases in STD’s and teenage pregnancy, and a global HIV/Aids problem . Levels of sexual dissatisfaction are high, expectations are unrealistic, and too often, sex advisers or columnists seem ready assume that people over 25 aren't at risk from STD’s , and are in monogamous relationships, so that condoms and safe sex just don't come up.
Sex Mythology II
There's nothing new in sex. Women worry about body image and self-confidence, about getting or keeping a partner, that if they're not "good in bed" and will be rejected. Guys are concerned about penis size, shape, length, ejaculation, and how long they ought to last. Both gay and straight people worry about having arguments, and what to do if you go off sex, particularly in a long-term relationship.
But a lot of ‘sexperts’ reinforce the idea that women should use sex to keep a partner interested, or that sex for women is more about pleasing someone else than pleasing themselves. Emotional and communication issues are sidelined. Men come under pressure to last for as long as humanly possible - which actually increases their chance of having sexual problems.
Women go off sex because they're tired, because they have relationship problems, a new baby, or because they have never learned what works for them. A good adviser can help, but there is no recognised qualification in the field, which means anyone can set themselves up as an expert. There are many highly qualified people but they tend not to appear on television or to write books.
What can we expect from an expert in sex? They should have professional or extensive personal experience in the world of sex, a link to a professional body and they should network with colleagues. They should be aware of developments in sex, have supervision where appropriate, and continually seek professional development. We don't call someone who claims to know something about the heart a "cardiologist" - so why accept second best from sex advisers?
Perhaps the best expert in the world, when it comes to sex, is looking back at you every time you gaze into the mirror, if only you knew it. After all, being completely open and honest with your partner about what you both want and expect can only be the best way forward, whatever any ‘expert’ might tell you. Try telling it like it really is for you personally, and you may never need to seek advice again.