Women Cause Earthquakes!
By Aaron B., 22nd Apr 2010 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutNewsWorld
An Iranian cleric explains that the "true" cause of one of nature's most devastating natural disasters is, in fact, women. And all this time I thought earthquakes were caused by simple plate tectonics! What was I thinking?! Read on to hear my own thoughts on the matter, and then discuss it for yourself.
Women cause earthquakes? Say it isn't so!
Yes, folks, you read the title correctly. If you think that is absolute nonsense, well, I certainly agree with you. However, a senior Iranian cleric would beg to differ. According to Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, women (or, more accurately, promiscuous women or women that wear "revealing" clothing) are to blame for one of humanity's most feared natural occurrences.
The Iranian Press quoted him as saying, "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes."
It is not known how the cleric came to this startling conclusion, but he did go on to offer a solution to the earthquake problem. "There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes," he said during a prayer sermon.
Well shucks, I guess anyone with a differing set of beliefs is just plain out of luck! As the late and great Billy Mays would say, "But wait! There's more!" Sedighi also went on to say, "A divine authority told me to tell the people to make a general repentance. Why? Because calamities threaten us."
Really?! Calamities threaten us? Darn those calamities! Always picking on us! If only women would cover themselves from head to toe and stop leading us poor men astray, we may never again have to deal with earthquakes! Why stop there? Maybe if we also deny women education the world would no longer have to worry about tsunamis! Perhaps if we encased all women in plastic wrap and locked them away in steel coffins we could do away with every natural disaster mankind has ever faced. If we take it a step further and permanently lock those coffins in a secret underground bunker, perhaps we'd have world peace, cancer would be eradicated, poverty would disappear, and maybe, just maybe, milk would no longer spoil. I would love to hear Sedighi's thoughts on these ideas since it would appear that, in his mind at least, those actions and their potential benefits are certainly within the realm of possibility.
On a serious note, who's to say that earthquakes and other natural disasters aren't a form of punishment from God. I am but a single, flawed human being among billions and I do not pretend to know all the answers to every problem that humanity has, is, or will experience. I do have to say, though, that I think any divine being would have far greater things to worry about in this world than a young Iranian woman that decides to ignore Iranian law and show her hair in public. I think that if God felt that an appropriate punishment for showing hair, cleavage, or even ankle skin was a devastating earthquake, we'd all have been wiped out long ago. Surely, the first time Paris Hilton or Lady Gaga stepped onto the red carpet, the sun would have exploded and reduced the Earth to cosmic dust, if that were the case! Forget about every theft, murder, or rape that has ever occurred throughout human history. Now, if God decided to curdle my milk and deny me my morning bowl of cereal because I dropped the "f-bomb" after stubbing my toe... well, that might be fair.
I believe that every country and every nation on this planet has the right to determine their own beliefs, laws, and social norms, without interference from others, unless they directly pose a threat to another country or nation. On its own, I believe Iran has that same right. However, also take into account the fact that Iranian religious and government leaders and institutions actively suppress and harm their own citizens and make wild claims about women (promiscuous or not) causing earthquakes. Add to that the fact that the Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, denies that widely documented and factual atrocities like the Holocaust or the September 11th World Trade Center attacks ever happened. These things make me wonder what Iran can be trusted with. These are the same people that want to develop nuclear weapons!
As of right now, I don't think that anyone should interfere with Iran's internal affairs. Let their leaders spew their nonsensical rhetoric. I have to believe that their wild claims are falling on many deaf ears throughout the world anyway. The greatest tragedy is the repression faced by the Iranian people, and still I believe that it is up to the citizens of Iran to correct the mistakes of their leaders themselves. It is their responsibility to affect change, for the better, in their own country if they so desire.
What if Iran's military mobilizes against foreign nations, though? What if Iran develops nuclear weapons? What if they use them? It isn't such a far fetched idea, is it? In my opinion, the current Iranian leadership does not seem like they are ones to exercise rational thinking. To me, Iran appears to be a ticking time bomb and one day military intervention may be necessary, but I truly hope that I'm wrong.
How do you feel about this? If you have an opinion of your own, please comment below!
UPDATE: Cleric Sedighi's claims seem to have had the opposite effect! Instead of scaring women into modesty, at least 200,000 women around the world have banded together to show even more skin in an effort to prove whether or not such things can actually cause earthquakes. The experiment, known as the "Boobquake Experiment" can be read about here.
Comments
22nd Apr 2010 (#)
Enjoyed this article.
It's not uncommon for people to blame God for their misfortunes and to assume that floods, earthquakes and tornadoes are forms of punishment from God. It's my belief that in the end man will be man's own worst enemy. No I don't think that women have control over mother-nature.
I don't believe that one country should interfere in another countries religious beliefs. I often wonder, "how would Americans feel, if another country tries to instill their religion or culture onto our citizens". I don't think it would sit to well with most Americans. Sometimes tolerance goes a long way. But, respect & tolerance should not be interpreted as "weakness". Religion, unfortunately, causes division. Sad but true.
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31st May 2010 (#)
Great article and I love your humor. I always knew we women had enormous power! But all kidding aside, that guy is nuts!
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15th Aug 2010 (#)
Aaron, this is by far the best article I've read in a long, long time. I wish I could use it for my blog.
Your sense of humor is divine. I'm gonna subscribe to you, because I want to read more of your hand.
By the way, should men cover up too, as to not lead women astray?
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20th Aug 2010 (#)
Thank you Jude and thank you Conny! I haven't been able to write nearly as much as I would like to lately, but I hope to soon make your subscription worth it Conny!
And no, men should not have to cover up. After all, we aren't the problem according to certain clerics. If it wasn't for you women and your darned ankle skin leading us astray, we'd all be PERFECT gentlemen.... really. :P
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22nd Aug 2010 (#)
and the number is increasing by the second...ha! ha! ha!
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17th Nov 2010 (#)
Yes, I agree with Conny: your sense of humor is divine!
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29th Dec 2010 (#)
Interesting article
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26th Apr 2011 (#)
I guess some people should go back to whatever ancient century they just crawled out of.. and stay there.
Great share! Very funny!
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18th Jan 2012 (#)
That is one of the best articles I have read in a long time. I guess women really are what is wrong with the world! HaHa
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