For a Better World, Visit the Hardware Store

Les AuCoin By Les AuCoin, 9th Jul 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/3jflwzmt/
Posted in Wikinut>News>Politics

Hardware stores offer solutions to problems that may not even exist. Maybe they were invented by a Democrat.

You Really Can't Beat A Good Hardware Store

Summer is a fix-it time. Which requires visiting your local hardware store.

You really can’t beat a good hardware store. If more people were regulars at the local hardware store, I think the world would be a better place.

So far as I know, there’s never been an act of terror at a hardware store. I’ll bet you’ve never heard of a hardware store doing an Enron with employee retirement funds. Youth gangs? They never hang at hardware stores.

Coincidence? I don’t think so.

In a world full of vexing problems like the Middle East, global warming, and Ted Cruz, a hardware store offers only solutions.

Just now, my hardware store has a great offer on garden carts with wooden sideboards, spoked wheels, and a removable panel that’s perfect for dumping yard clippings! I nearly bought one on the spot—and the townhouse in which I live doesn’t have a yard.

That’s the thing about hardware stores. They’ve got solutions to problems that don’t even exist! I think hardware stores were probably invented by a Democrat.

In Washington, D.C., the late non-lamented House Republican Whip, Tom Delay liked to say his nickname was “The Hammer.” But it’s been said, if all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” Possibly, Tom would have overcome his limitations with a visit to the hardware store.

If you’re wondering where you’re going and why you’re in that handbasket, stabilize your mood at the hardware store. It’s impossible to feel blue when you discover that right there, on that shelf, sits a better mousetrap someone built just for you.

A visit to the hardware store can cure the ailment I believe is known in Latin as gross derelicto. Today we call it, “procrastination.” I mean, how can you keep putting off hanging those shelves when the guy next to you happily loads up on those nifty, pre-cut, laminated shelves offered in a choice of white, walnut, oak, or cherry?

See what I mean? Just window-shopping in a hardware store makes you feel virtuous and practical. Tools fairly jump into your hands in search of a problem to fix.

Here’s an idea: For one day, let’s require members of the U.S. House of Representatives to stock shelves in a hardware store. The impoverishment of Middle Americans has been ignored too long. So has the health of the planet. Maybe a day in tools on Aisle Four would cure these pols of their gross derelicto.

We’ve tried everything else.

Tags

Democratic Party, Hardware Components, Hardware Store, Humor, Humorous, Humorous Story, Politcs, Political Leaders, Political Satire, Political System, Politicians, Republicans, Shopping, Tools

Meet the author

author avatar Les AuCoin
A retired US congressman & 45-year award-winning journalist, my work has run in the Washington Post, the Louisville Courier-Journal, the Oregonian, Stars & Stripes and other major publications.

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author avatar Steve Kinsman
10th Jul 2014 (#)

I can relate. Great article, Les. Thank you.

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